UT 1 Bayer!

Eric called me this morning around 2 am and he said "Babe, I'm a first class!". I was so excited and happy I woke right up (and was up for 3 hours after lol). I said Congratulations babe!

It's an honor that he is a 1st class. He missed the last test by 2 points, but he was promoted to 1st Class by the Command because of all his hard work. He has spent all of deployment doing a 1st classes job so he really deserves this. He has worked so hard this deployment and really turned around. While we were stationed in Spain he hit a funk because they didn't do anything and a lot of people thought he was a crappy person, but in reality he just was bored.

He'll start getting paid right away for 1st class. I can't even put into words how excited and happy I am. I am so proud of him!

It's almost time!

The time has come.. Eric is almost home! I can not believe we have been through 10 months already. Sometimes it felt like time was going so slow but now that it's here it's amazing! This year has flown by. I just can't wait to see what 2011 has in store for my Family. We'll have the whole year to be together. It'll be amazing.

Eric is waiting to find out if he is going to get a cap. Which means he'll automatically be a 1st class. It'll be awesome for him, and a nice pay raise. ;) We should find out this coming week sometime. So we'll see. Everyone keeps telling him to get a uniform with 1st class crows on it so it may be a good sign. But we aren't holding out breath because they have been telling him this all deployment.

I just got a call today saying the date they are coming home is a little late then I was hoping for. Only a few days but at this point a few days feels like forever. I just want him home. I can't wait!

So we're just getting the house ready and waiting out the days until our Hero is home. We are all so excited we can't stand it!

Just like Daddy

Conner dressed up like Daddy for Halloween 2010

Final month!

So November is the last full month without our Hero! I can't even put into words how excited we are all getting! October flew by, and I am sure this month will to since we have so much to do to get ready and drive down to Mississippi. I want to order a shirt for Conner to wear and get our home made signs made. I have the banner to hang on our house if we have one when we get down there. It's going to be amazing.

I know Eric, and all the other guys are getting so antsy. I can't imagine how they are feeling, since I am super excited and they are excited about not only coming home to their Families but to America! 10 months is far to long! I hope we never have to do one this long again.

It's been great being home, but it's time to be a Family again and start our new life for the next year or so. We'll be down in MS for a few weeks then come home for a couple of weeks for Christmas and then head back down. We will be back up here in July for my friends Wedding.

Soo wooooo hoooo Eric will be home soon!!

Remembering Daddy

It amazes me how much my 2 year old remembers Daddy. When Eric left, Conner was 3 months away from being 2. Eric came home on emergency leave in April, and even then Conner went right back into Daddy mode. He wanted to play with him, and be with him the whole time. That was 6 months ago. He will point to things and remember Daddy. He always points to his picture and says Daddy. He also loves his Daddy bear and sleeps next to him every night. Daddy bear even has his own blankie. Conner will talk to him on the phone, and knows there are video's of Daddy on the video camera.

At the beginning of deployment it was my biggest fear that he would forget Daddy. I wanted Conner to remember him so he can feel the excitement that I will the day we go to pick up Daddy. When he lays his eyes on him I can't wait for him to run up to him, calling his name and jumping into his arms. I know it may not be like that because, yes he knows who he is but Conner might be a little distant because he's been gone so long.

What happened today to bring this post about.. I was getting Conner dressed for his nap.. I put one of his old wife beaters on from last year because it's a little warm in the house. As soon as I put it on Conner said "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!". It melted my heart that he remembered that Daddy wears the same shirts. After 8 months of being apart he remembers that. It's not like we have pictures of Eric in wife beaters, it was just from his memory. To me that is amazing.

It's amazing how much kids do truly remember things. Conner has his Daddy's memory. They both remember the weirdest things. I love that about them.


On another note we ordered a Welcome Home sign for Eric today. If we have our house before he gets him it will be hanging on the garage. I can't wait!

2 months to go!

We have two more months until our Hero's return! Things are finally being put into motion so it is seeming so much more real!

The plan is I'll be heading down to Mississippi the beginning of December. I'll probably leave Ohio on the 1st or 2nd, maybe even the very end of November. Right now I am driving alone so I am kind of nervous about it, but we'll be making the drive in a few days so I can stop before dark and stuff. I am totally not an independent person, so we'll see how that goes. Not to mention having to drive, and take care of a 2 year old solo. I really hope he'll sleep a lot. I also want to get a DVD player and hope that maybe some movies will keep him occupied.

After I get down there I'll be getting our house, which is on base. I am hoping to have our stuff moved in, and all ready for when Eric gets home. This is also exciting because I can get a banner and hang up on our new house for when we pick him up. It'll be so awesome. We plan on paying someone to move our things out of storage, and deliver them to our house. It's a much further drive from our storage unit and base so this would be much easier, and faster. Then I will accomplish as much unpacking and organizing as I can before Eric gets there. This is also good because we don't leave leaving until the 16th so we'll have a home to stay at, and to come home to after Christmas.

We'll be taking Christmas leave, flying out of MS on the 16th and we'll be driving back with all of our stuff that is left here. Which will be another 2 day trip. I'm hoping Eric won't want to leave on the 26th because one of his Christmas presents are Browns tickets, which are for the 26th. I'm hoping we can just leave on the 27th. It's going to be a long month, but well worth it! I can't wait to have our Hero home and finally be back together again. I'll miss my Parent's so much, but we are lucky to have had this 10 months together. Especially for Conner.

Also Eric is still in Africa. Kind of looks like he may be there for the rest of deployment. They are staying pretty busy trying to get the fence done, but he still sounds in good spirits. Knowing 2 months is all they have to go probably helps. I can't wait!

31 weeks down!

We are 31 weeks into deployment. It's hard to believe he has been gone that long, but on the other hand it does feel that long. After we hit 20 weeks, the half way point, it felt like time slowed down. So to be 11 weeks past that feels pretty good.

Eric is still in Africa working hard. They are all just ready to get back to Spain and head home. Living in tents and eating nothing but MRE's isn't fun. But he's doing good. He's getting anxious to get home and play with his little guy. It's going to be so cute to see them together. :)

For Halloween I decided to dress Conner up as Daddy. He's going to be wearing cami's that even have our name on them. It's going to be so cute. I just have to see if I can send them back because the size I ordered is WAY to big! Probably should do that since it's almost October!

Speaking of October.. I can't believe it's already Fall! Eric left when it was still winter. So we've been apart through winter, spring, summer and now fall. It seems like we were just like "It's August! and almost Eric's Birthday" and now it's almost October! Amazing! We just have to count down to Halloween and Thanksgiving then he will be home! Where he belongs!

I can't wait to get back to MS and get our house set up, and have our things back! I can't wait for Eric to see our new car (2011 Ford Escape). And most importantly I can't wait to see Conner so excited to see Daddy and to just be playing with him. He's going to love having Daddy home!

It's going to be bitter sweet. Most importantly sweet because Eric will be home, but bitter because we are leaving so much, and so many people behind when we go back to MS. I wish I could pack my parent's up and take them with us. So many people love Conner, and he loves being with them too. So I am really going to miss having everyone around, but I am so thrilled my Family will be together again.

A heart to heart

So I hold a lot of stuff in when Eric is gone. Even stuff that he does that bugs me because I don't want us to fight while we're apart, and I also don't want his mind worrying about me when he has more important things to think about. But finally everything started eating at me and I found that even the little things he did would irritate me. Finally one night he got on chat when he was on watch and we had a heart to heart for a couple of hours. It felt so good to get things off my chest and tell him how I've been feeling. He listened, and reassured me and made me feel so much better. After our chat I feel ready to take on these last few months. I think it's more stressful because a regular deployment would be over right now so we're both just done, heck I've been done since the day before he left.

But all in all we're ready. Ready to get this over with and be a Family. I get really sad thinking about leaving my Parent's. It's so hard to have these mixed emotions. Being with my Parent's, and my friends has been so amazing. Conner loves everyone so much and loves spending time with them. But on the other hand I am totally ready to have my Family together. I dread being back in MS and not having friends again like last year, but after this 10 month deployment I've realized that I don't need anyone down there but my Husband and Son. I'll always have my close friends, and family there for me, even though they're so far away.

I also know I need to step out of my bubble and allow myself to make friends, and stop being so shy. That's half my problem. I just know how fake people are and they are only there when they want to, or need something and I'm sick of being hurt. I throw my heart out on the line and always end up hurt. I just need to be stronger and let go of my fears. As my saying has been lately "I need to man up". Haha.

I am hoping 2011 is the best year yet. 2010 has been a long one. I'm thankful for every experience we've had through this deployment and I'm ready to welcome 2011 with open arms and see what it holds.

Please slap me..

If all my Facebook statues leading up to the few days before come home consist of NOTHING but him coming home. Now I get that it's a happy moment and you are so excited. But posting a status, 10 times a day that say the same thing just in a different way is just not necessary.. Not at all. In fact it's freaking annoying! Now I am probably more annoyed because I am jealous. This battalion left after ours, and is coming home before. So yes I do admit that I am jealous but it's still annoying. I personally couldn't bring myself to say something, although I really wanted to. But her Sister did and it made me laugh.. She said "You know you can use facebook to post about a whole variety of things, right?" It was funny and made me feel better lol

But seriously.. I don't want to be that person. I know I post about Eric and stuff but that's more because he likes seeing my statues and it lets him know we miss him. But ALL of my statues are not about that, or him. They are about all different things. Half the time I don't post statues because I don't have anything to say.

So if I do.. Slap me.. Message me to shut up and stop being annoying like the previous person. Thank you. :)

6 down, 4 to go

FINALLY I can say that we only have 4 months left. It feels like I was saying we had 5 months left FOREVER. Longest month of deployment by far. So now we have hit the regular deployment length. If this were a regular deployment he would be heading home.. Like now, but nope we have 4 more months to go. We can do this. I just hope they fly as fast as these past 6 months have. I can't wait!

Our countdown is broken up by a few things. Eric's Birthday is August 17th. Our 7th Wedding Anniversary is September 6th. October.. Well really only Halloween.. And November is really just Thanksgiving and then our Hero will be home! I can not wait until I am standing there with Conner waiting for those white buses to pull up and telling Conner that DADDY IS HOME! And we'll have 13 months straight with him.

I can't wait to go to sleep next to him and to wake up knowing he's there, even if he's at work. Just to be a Family on the weekend, hanging out and playing with Conner. We plan on taking Conner to do all kinds of things. It's crazy that shortly after Eric gets home (okay well like 6 months lol) Conner will be 3... THREE! That's insane! Where does time go? Wow.

So yeah.. 4 months to go!

You learn so much

You learn so much about yourself, and others when you're going through a deployment. It mostly helps bring out the shittyness in people. I've learned a lot about my 'friends' this deployment, and how many of them aren't friends, and never really were. I have two friends in my life that has been here for me so much this deployment and I am so thankful for them. Keeping me busy so that my mind is occupied and so Conner is as well. I have a few friends I thought I'd be able to rely on but I really can't. I never get asked how I am doing, or if I need anything even if it's just someone to talk to. I don't need pitty or someone babying me but knowing I have people supporting me, and Eric helps. I tend to rely on people more then I should and it always lets me down.

Especially with people who are fellow Military Wives.. Who are, or will be going through the time thing at some point in time. They'll want me to be there for them, but they haven't been here for me. I know I'll be there whenever someone needs me because I know how it feels to be let down and not having anyone to lean on. I am so thankful I came home while Eric is gone because I'd be miserable in Mississippi. I was when we were there together, so without him would just make it worse.

I've also learned a lot about myself. I am really hard on myself in everything in life. I turn everything into my fault and feel bad more then I should. I care more about others then they ever will for me and I take a lot of things to heart. I want to be stronger, care less. I know that when Eric gets home I don't need anyone but him in my life. Having this time without him has made me realize how lucky I truly am. Being a Military Wife can be so difficult sometimes but it's totally worth it. I am so proud of my Husband and everything he does. I am proud to say I am a Military Wife.

Like I said I don't need pitty, just support. A lot of people can't offer that because they are so wrapped up in their own lives to think about someone else. That's okay too because really what goes around, comes around and when their time comes they'll understand what I feel. The only difference is I'll be there.

My Tattoo!

So I have talked about wanting a tattoo for a long time now, and I knew I wanted one on my foot because I love feet tattoo's. So I finally did it. My friend Megan took me to get it for my Birthday. I thought up the idea to get Dog Tags with Eric's name on them. It came out amazing and I am so proud of it! Eric loves it as well!



This picture is from the night I got it.. I'll get a better one once it's done peeling and looks good. :)

He's doing good

I finally got to talk to Eric yesterday for the first time since Wednesday. I did hear from him Friday when they got there but it was only for a few minutes and was a crappy connection. He sounds in good spirits. Hopefully these 3 months fly by and he'll be heading home before we know it. They have lots to do there, to keep them busy. We won't talk as much as we have since deployment started, but we'll talk whenever he gets a chance to call. There are 25 guys there, with one phone line to call home. 15 minutes phone calls are really strict right now, and will be while they are there. He does get a chance to Facebook me on some days as well. I look forward to many updates from the NMCB 7 Facebook page, which is where the picture above came from. They also post links to whats going on with our men over there, which I'll share the one they have posted in this post.

These next 3 months will probably be our hardest, but hopefully they will fly by and he'll be back in Spain and ready to head home. We will finally be a Family again in December and I can't wait! This week marks 23 weeks since he left. Seems that since we hit half way time has slowed down a bit so I pray it picks back up soon! I miss my Husband, and Conner misses his Daddy!




By Chief Mass Communication Specialist Yan Kennon, Naval Mobile Construction Battalion 7 Public Affairs

ROTA, Spain (NNS) -- A detail of Seabees assigned to Naval Mobile Construction Battalion (NMCB) 7 departed Naval Station Rota, Spain for their detachment site of Sao Tome, Sao Tome in support of Exercise West Africa Training Cruise (WATC) July 22.

The primary mission of the detail is to conduct various construction improvements and provide humanitarian civic assistance (HCA) to their host nation.

"We are all looking forward to working alongside the local military and host nation," said Chief Builder Diane Paddock, detail officer in charge (OIC). "The projects our crew will be completing will ensure a safe learning environment for the local school children and improve security measures at the Sao Tome International Airport."

The most intense project scheduled for the Seabees will be the installation of a 3,000-meter chain link fence around the perimeter of the Sao Tome International Airport, to include the installation of three vehicle and two pedestrian transit gates. This project, upon its completion, is estimated to consume 411 man-days of labor at a cost of approximately $81,000.

Detail Sao Tome will conduct HCA through two construction projects at the Dona Maria de Jesus and Almas Primary Schools located in Sao Tome.

The Dona Maria de Jesus Primary School HCA project, estimated at $30,000 and 206 man-days of labor, will encompass the painting of interior and exterior surfaces, the replacement of broken window panes, utility upgrades and the replacement of all overhead lighting.

The Almas Primary School project will task the Seabees with replacing broken windows and frames, interior and exterior painting, replacement of broken doors and hardware, and the addition of 400 linear feet of block fencing for added security at the school. The school project cost is estimated at $30K, encompassing 29 man-days of labor.

Additional projects, tasked to Detail Sao Tome, include a 69 man-day project to conduct roof repairs and the removal and replacement of a load bearing exterior wall at the Marapa Game and Fish Wildlife Refuge and a $3,000 construction repair project at the local Coast Guard facility.

"It is always a positive attribute to utilize our construction capabilities to help other nations around the world," said Utilitiesman 1st Class George Brooks, detail assistant officer in charge. "It is most evident when you can see the immediate impact of a quality construction project from start to finish in such a short timeframe. We are all looking forward to the work that we will be performing for the people of Sao Tome."

Detail Sao Tome is expected to rejoin the mainbody site of Rota, Spain in late October.

NMCB 7 and its detachments are currently deployed to various locations throughout Europe and Africa as part of the battalion's regularly scheduled 2010 deployment, with the main body of the battalion operating from Camp Mitchell at Naval Station Rota.

NMCB 7 is one of the original 10 Seabee battalions authorized by the Chief of the Navy's Bureau of Yards and Docks, in 1942. The battalion is homeported at the Naval Construction Battalion Center Gulfport, Miss., home of the Atlantic Fleet Seabees, and is currently the East Coast's Battle "E" Seabee battalion.

Normal Life...

Lately I've been thinking a lot about our days. I just wanted our normal life back. The one that consisted of Eric, Conner and I. Our little Family living everyday together, doing normal Family things. Just waking up together, having help with Conner and eating together as a Family. It seems like these things now, are just chores, and not joys. I hate meal times. Especially since Conner hates to sit and eat. I can't wait to get us back into our normal routine that we all knew 5 months ago.


Don't get me wrong.. I love being with my Parent's and they do help a lot. They love Conner so much, and he loves them just the same. But we need Eric. Our life is incomplete without him here with us. It's going to be hard to leave our life here in Ohio, the one we will have been living for 10 months, but I am ready to be back with my Family of 3. In our own house, and our own things. We'll miss Ohio so much, but we're ready for our life in Mississippi.

As the days go on I feel my patience getting thinner, and thinner. I am starting to get really antsy to have Eric home. Most days I am okay, but some days I just snap and am in this mood. I hate it. I hate getting frustrated with my 2 year old, that's just being a typical 2 year old. I want more for him, a better daily life. I know we can tough it out these last few months, we have for the past 5.


I just want him home.

We're half way there!

So we are finally half way through deployment. What an amazing feeling. We've got 5 months down, and just under 5 to go. I can't wait for my Husband to be home where he belongs. We miss him so much. Lately I've been getting really anxious for his homecoming. I have my days where it makes me sad to think we'll be leaving here soon. I've loved having this time with my Parent's, and friends. I've learned a lot about myself, and others. Overall this deployment has changed, and helped me a lot. I'm thankful for this time with them, but I am ready for my Husband to be home to be a Family again. I am ready to be back in MS with our things. I do dread being there with the drama of friends we dealt with before, but we don't talk to them anymore so it'll be another fresh start. After all these months I've realized I don't need anyone down there but Eric, and Conner. I wish I could pack my close friends, and Parent's up and take them with us. Mostly my Parent's.


Eric will finally be heading to Africa this week. It's been postponed for a while now. I'm kind of dreading it because we'll talk less, especially with how much I've been missing him lately. I guess we've been lucky to talk everyday for the last 5 months. It'll help the time go by faster, because we'll be counting down the days until we can talk again.

Another battalion just got home this week. They were gone for 4-5 months. I am jealous and got butterflies seeing their homecoming pictures. I can't wait for that to be us. I don't really envy them to much though because they'll only be home for 6 months and then go out for 10. Where we are getting out 10 month one over with and I like that idea better. Especially because Eric will be home for 13 months and then leave for 8.


So that's that. We're half way there! WOO HOO!

3 down, 7 to go

This Thursday we'll be 12 weeks into this deployment. Meaning we are down 3 months! That's a pretty exciting milestone! That means in 2 more months we'll be over the hump and half way through deployment.

Eric will be moving to Africa to finish his deployment this Summer. Once he gets there we'll talk less. I'm sure that will be hard at first but I know having to count down days until I talk to him will help time to go by faster because I'll be looking forward to something.

It's funny how little milestones really help. Like counting down until Conner's Birthday, then mine, and then Eric's. Then we'll have our Anniversary in September and then we'll count down to Halloween. Then Thanksgiving and finally December will be homecoming month! I can't wait to be standing there with Conner and our 'Welcome home' sign in hand. We'll be making ours special for Eric. I plan on putting a picture or two on there from when he was home. I can't wait to make it! The last one I made was so awesome and fun to make. I'll have to dig up a picture one day and post it because it was awesome!

Conner and I are hanging in there. Conner woke up this morning missing Daddy a lot. He wanted to take his "Daddy Bear" with him. He calls it Dada because it's cami and has a message in his arm from Daddy. We love and miss him so much.

A lot of people can't deal with separation and often it pulls people apart. Amazingly this deployment has shown me how much I love him, and need him forever. No deployment will ever break us, it just brings us closer together. I love him more now, then I ever thought possible and that love just continues to grow with each passing day. They always say 'Distance make the heart grow fonder'. I believe that saying more now then ever. It's completely true for us. This kind of thing isn't for everyone, and not every couple makes it out of deployment together. But when I said 'I do' that meant that I do stand by you forever. Through the hard times and bad. Through deployments and homeports. We'll make it through anything, because we'll be doing it together. We love and miss you Eric!

A poem

Military Wives Prayer

At night when I crawl into bed,
My lonely pillow 'neath my head,
I close my eyes and say a prayer.
"God keep him safe way over there,
And make me strong so I won't cry.

It's kinda hard to be alone and
teach the kids when they're half grown,
without the strength of a father's hand
to guide them in this troubled land.

So I'll need a little help from you,
to let me know what I should do.
And God please will you let him know,
How much we love and miss him so.

And then I feel across the bed,
To where he used to lay his head,
and I close my eyes so very tight,
so I won't cry again tonight,
and whisper to the evening air,
"Good night my darling way over there."

6 weeks down

Well we've made is 6 weeks today! Sometimes it feels like it's been so much longer, but on the other hand it's like wow it's been 6 weeks! I have been hanging in there. I still have my bad days, always will. I'm so ready for him to be home already. I want our regular life back, to be back into our routine. I want to spend my evenings with him and go to sleep next to him. I want Conner to have his Daddy here to play with and love on. I miss those things.

Eric is doing well. He also has good days and bad. During the week he stays pretty busy so I don't think he has much time to think about it, but on the weekends it's harder for him. But he's been working hard. He's been working out and losing weight. He is doing so much better on his run. I am so proud of him.

Conner is doing good also. Still talks about Daddy and likes to look at his picture on my phone. He's getting so big. I can't believe that next month our baby will be 2! It's amazing how much they change and grow. Couldn't be more thankful for our baby boy!


So we're all doing as well as we can. Hanging in there and helping each other through everyday. I've found out who my true friends are through this deployment. I don't have many but the ones I do have I am so thankful for. I'm thankful for everything my parent's do to help me out. I know coming home was a tough decision, and in some cases it's hard, but I don't think I could do this without their support, and my friends' support. I'm a lucky girl. I dwell to much on friends that don't dwell on me so I am learning to let go of them. Just be thankful for what I have.

Well 6 down.. Many more to go. I hope the next months ahead fly by as fast as March did! Love and miss you baby!

Toddler Woes

I think Conner is taking all of this then I thought he was. I am sure most of his behavior is normal toddler behavior, but sometimes I wonder if some of it is just underlying sadness that he doesn't know how to express.

He's mean. I know that sounds weird to put it that way but he is so hateful. He gets so upset with you over everything. He loses his cool over everything. He has started hitting and pinching me when he is angry over something or just for no reason. I really want to nip this in the butt before it gets worse. I don't want to get frustrated with him (although I do many times because I am just as sad and upset as he is) because I believe a lot of it is just because he misses his Daddy. Where I miss him, but can express that I do, and Conner doesn't understand his emotions or where Daddy is and why he can only hear him on the phone.

It truly breaks my heart and I just don't know how to address it, or make it better. I am sure over time his pain will ease a little but I guess until then I just have to try not to lose my cool and patience with him, and support him when he is upset. I just hate seeing my little boy feel the way I do. We miss Eric so much and we still have so much more time ahead of us before we see him again.


I'm not sure if we'll be visiting him. He is suppose to go to Africa now so he will be gone from Spain. I'd LOVE to go visit him. The travel would be a pain, and I know all that good bye heart ache will come back as he puts us on the plane but I think it would just help break up deployment a little. I just don't know if it will happen right now.

Forever.

Deployment feels like forever. 10 months...is forever.

Well we've been hanging in there. Eric is doing well in Spain. Says it's a bit weird being there without us since we were all just there together for 3 years (well only with Conner for 6 months lol). He went and got a cell phone so I can text him and he can call me when he can't get to the other phone. Knowing he has it and if I REALLY need him I can call him. Probably cost me an arm and a leg but it's always there.

Conner misses him. He gets excited to talk to him on the phone... He tells him hi. Then I have him say 'love you' and 'miss you' and he kisses him and says bye bye to him. I bet it makes Eric feel awesome just to hear him, especially to say those things. We watch his videos and he sleeps with his bear every night. He doesn't call out for him as much, which makes me feel better because when he did it tore me up. He will once in a while but not as often. He also grabs my phone and kisses his picture. He seems to be handling everything fairly well. He is a bit more angry and throwing a lot more tantrums. I'm not sure if it's the toddler stage or him expressing his anger and sadness of missing Daddy.

Me.. Well I am hanging in there. Things seem a bit more easy now that we are here and I'm not alone. I still do everything for Conner but if I need a few seconds to myself I can usually grab a minute or two. I miss Eric like crazy. I've really realized how much he does for us and how amazing he truly is. Works all day and then comes home and takes care of us. Hearing his voice helps so much though. He comforts me and lets me know things are going to be okay. I have my moments that I just want to break down, and it's hard to go to sleep alone at night but I am holding up a lot better then I was a week ago.

On a brighter note. Conner and I may be flying out to Spain after this summer to visit Eric! We can fly Space A (which is free) and Eric can take a week of leave or whatever and we can stay with him in the Navy Lodge over there. It'll be nice to see him and break up some time. But I am sure it'll be hard to fly out of there. Not to mention an 8 hour flight with a busy 2 year old. But Eric is worth that, and so much more!

First phone call

Eric finally called me at 5:30 this morning. It was amazing to hear his voice. Not to mention so good to know he made it there safely. He sounded good. I feel a lot better knowing I can talk to him now. Being a Military Wife you hang on to the sound of their voice because that's all you have. It's amazing. I feel a lot stronger today. I'm feeling a little more like I can do this. 10 months is a long time but it's possible. Other wives have done it, so can I. I'm hoping both Conner and I do better today!

Saying Goodbye

Today marks day 1 of 300..Or Week 1 of 44.

We got up bright and early, at 5 am. Eric showered at 4:45 and woke me up at 5 to get up and hang out. We drank coffee and talked. He finished getting his things ready and we woke Conner up at 6. I had breakfast and milk ready for him and Eric got him a new diaper and clothes. We snapped a few pictures of Eric and Conner. I wish someone were here to take some of me with them. We then loaded into the car and drove off to base. As we neared base we held hands and tears filled my eyes. As we went through the gate my heart sank lower and lower knowing the time was coming to an end and all to fast. We parked and got Conner out of his carseat and sat him up front with us. We smiled and shared feelings, and shared many tears. We told each other we can make it through anything, as we have before. Time had come to say good bye. Watching him hug and kiss Conner and tell him to be good for Mommy and that he would see him very soon was one of the most painful things I've had to experience. He then put Conner into his carseat and gave him one last kiss and gave him his paci, blanket and his cami bear that he made him. We closed the door and just held each other and kissed. We did this a few time because it's hard to accept that it's our last hug and kiss for 10 months. He opened my door and kissed me again. I sat in the car and the tears just started flowing harder and harder. He grabbed his bag and got his coat on. I rolled the window down to steal a few more kisses. As I watched him walk away I felt half of my heart get pulled out of my chest, as it went with him. Knowing I won't be whole again until he returns.

As I drove home so many thoughts were running through my head. You think about the little things that won't happen until they come home. Or just the fact of not seeing their face or feeling their arms around you. I cried harder then I wanted to. I wanted to be strong for Conner but I couldn't hold it in. Luckily he is so young he doesn't fully understand that my tears mean sadness. He has no idea his Daddy isn't coming home tonight, or any night for the next 10 months. We got home and I continued to cry some more. Conner offered me some comfort and let him hug him and cry for a minute. Knowing I have him to hold onto helps a little. He was up for a while after we got home and walked around calling for Eric. Tugging on those heart strings I know he will continue to tug on everytime he looks for him, or calls for him.

I feel a little stronger now after getting through this morning. I think once we get out of this house and get settled in Ohio it will help a ton. I just pray these next 10 months fly by and that before we know it we are driving back down here to welcome home our very own hero.

It's sinking in..

Well the day has come.. Eric leaves bright and early tomorrow morning. I did good all day today but I am having trouble holding it in tonight. Everything he does I know I won't see or hear that for 10 months. Just him giving Conner a bath has just broke my heart... Conner loves him so much and I hate that he won't see him for 10 months. My heart just flat out hurts right now. I can't stop thinking which is what I really need to do and just live in this moment with him. These last few hours are all we have for 10 months. Everyone keeps telling me how strong I am.. But I don't really think I can handle this. I need him. I need him here to lift me up when I'm sad and make me laugh when I'm mad. I need him to sit and watch tv and laugh at stupid thing with me. I need him to watch our Son grow and see what an amazing job we've done as parent's. He's what holds me together and I just know I am going to fall apart when we walk away from each other tomorrow. I know I have to be strong for Conner because he has no idea what's going on and I'm going to do my best but I just don't know if it's possible. I'm hoping this crying that I'm getting out now will help me not cry as much tomorrow.

I guess I just needed to write it out because I'm sick of hearing 'you'll be okay' or 'I've been there before' or 'he'll be home before you know it". Sigh.

Leaving date

Finally something went good for us. Eric won't be leaving between the 3-7 anymore. He'll be leaving around the 13th. So now we have more time together and more time to get this house packed up and get things situated. Made me feel a lot better. Although I do know not to hold my breath because anything can change without notice! I kind of just want to hurry up and get this deployment started so it can end. I was stressed before about 6 months but now that it's 10 it's gonna feel like forever before we see him again. Everyday I think about Conner being without Eric just breaks my heart more and more. I hope Conner can handle it. I am sure after we get to Ohio and get settled it'll be a little better. It's gonna be hard not to have my own place for so long though. I am hoping to get there and get my room situated so that it feels more like mine and less like I'm just visiting. Military life is tough!

Leaving this house

I hate moving. But that's a big part of my life because I married into the Military. I'm having a really hard time leaving this house. I think a lot of my issue is uprooting Conner. Not only is his Daddy leaving but we're leaving behind the house he spent the last year growing in... The house he learned to walk in. The house he learned so much in. All his toys, and his bed will be in storage for 10 months. All HIS things.... All of our things. I'm going to miss this house. It's a beautiful house.

I honestly think if we didn't need to save money that I'd just stay here. It would be hard but I don't want to move. I want to stay in Mississippi and wait for my Husband to get home.

We started packing up things today. I quit because I just don't want to do it. Ugh why does life have to be so complicated?

6 to 10

So they decided to spring on us at the last minute that they will be deploying for 10 months instead of 6. It was to be 6 out and 12 in. Well now they decided (after this one of course) it will be 10 in and 8 out. Like what the heck! I'm not ready to be without my Husband for almost a year. He's going to miss Mother's Day, Father's Day. He'll miss my, Conner and his own Birthday. Our Wedding anniversary and so much more. I just don't get why they want to take him away from us for that long. :( It just isn't fair. We need him!

I'll be going home while he is gone. So that means I will be living at my Parent's for 10 months. I am grateful, and I know I'll need the support and it's going to be great to save that money. But it's also going to be hard living under a roof that's not mine. Away from our things. I hate that I have to take Conner away from his stuff. His whole world is going to change in so many ways.

In a way it would almost be easier to stay down here. We wouldn't have to pack and in a weird way I would feel closer to him. But like I said before we need to save that money and I know I'll need the support since I won't have any down here.

So now I am left to stress about this 10 month deployment... Packing my house and cleaning it. Flying someone down here when I don't even know when they should be here because we have no idea when he is leaving. He told me today that he may leave the 3rd of Feb now. Does he know that's in like a week and a half. No that's not fair. I can't handle anymore changes! I'm not sure how much longer I can handle the Military life.. Not with all these changes they are making. The Seabee's don't care about the Families that go through this with the members. Deployments are the number one cause to Military divorces. I don't want to become a statistic!

People tell me how strong I am.. Really I'm not. I can't do this. I HAVE to be strong for Conner, but I don't know if I can. I'm cracking under stress already and he's still here. Sometimes I just pretend I'm not leaving here. That he isn't leaving either and that we're going to be together everyday for the rest of our lives. Forever. No separations. I know that's not true but maybe in a weird way it comfort's me.

I love him. We will make it but I'm just scared!

Why I started this

I have my Family blog to blog about the happy things in my life. I decided that with the upcoming deployment in a few weeks, that it may be nice to have somewhere to vent to and cry to when everyone is sick of listening.

When I think about this deployment my heart aches. My heart mostly hurts for Conner. Mainly because he loves his Daddy so much. He asks for him in the morning and all throughout the day. And when he gets home he is so excited that he runs up to him and wants to be picked up right away. Knowing that Conner has no idea that his little life is about to be flipped upside down breaks my heart. He has no clue. He has no clue that when we drop Daddy off the day he leaves, that he won't be seeing him for 10 months. He wakes up happy everyday, while everyday that I wake up my heart aches a little more as that days gets closer. He is only happy because he has no clue what's about to happen to him. It makes me sad, angry and hurt.

I love being a Military Wife. I just dread being away from him. He is our rock. We haven't had to do this for almost 5 years and honestly I'm scared. I don't know how I'll handle 10 months. And why did they have to change it to 10 months? 6 wasn't enough?

Anyway.. So this blog is dedicated to the hardships that Military Wives go through.