You learn so much about yourself, and others when you're going through a deployment. It mostly helps bring out the shittyness in people. I've learned a lot about my 'friends' this deployment, and how many of them aren't friends, and never really were. I have two friends in my life that has been here for me so much this deployment and I am so thankful for them. Keeping me busy so that my mind is occupied and so Conner is as well. I have a few friends I thought I'd be able to rely on but I really can't. I never get asked how I am doing, or if I need anything even if it's just someone to talk to. I don't need pitty or someone babying me but knowing I have people supporting me, and Eric helps. I tend to rely on people more then I should and it always lets me down.
Especially with people who are fellow Military Wives.. Who are, or will be going through the time thing at some point in time. They'll want me to be there for them, but they haven't been here for me. I know I'll be there whenever someone needs me because I know how it feels to be let down and not having anyone to lean on. I am so thankful I came home while Eric is gone because I'd be miserable in Mississippi. I was when we were there together, so without him would just make it worse.
I've also learned a lot about myself. I am really hard on myself in everything in life. I turn everything into my fault and feel bad more then I should. I care more about others then they ever will for me and I take a lot of things to heart. I want to be stronger, care less. I know that when Eric gets home I don't need anyone but him in my life. Having this time without him has made me realize how lucky I truly am. Being a Military Wife can be so difficult sometimes but it's totally worth it. I am so proud of my Husband and everything he does. I am proud to say I am a Military Wife.
Like I said I don't need pitty, just support. A lot of people can't offer that because they are so wrapped up in their own lives to think about someone else. That's okay too because really what goes around, comes around and when their time comes they'll understand what I feel. The only difference is I'll be there.
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You're such a string woman Cindy. I don't know how you do it. It's easy to get wrapped up in daily lives, believe me. I can't imagine being a military wife but I can sympathize with travel and being very alone. I think it's so great you can reach out there and be there for others- I know I get to a point where I just shut down! Anyway sending you hugs and support mama.
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