Leaving date

Finally something went good for us. Eric won't be leaving between the 3-7 anymore. He'll be leaving around the 13th. So now we have more time together and more time to get this house packed up and get things situated. Made me feel a lot better. Although I do know not to hold my breath because anything can change without notice! I kind of just want to hurry up and get this deployment started so it can end. I was stressed before about 6 months but now that it's 10 it's gonna feel like forever before we see him again. Everyday I think about Conner being without Eric just breaks my heart more and more. I hope Conner can handle it. I am sure after we get to Ohio and get settled it'll be a little better. It's gonna be hard not to have my own place for so long though. I am hoping to get there and get my room situated so that it feels more like mine and less like I'm just visiting. Military life is tough!

Leaving this house

I hate moving. But that's a big part of my life because I married into the Military. I'm having a really hard time leaving this house. I think a lot of my issue is uprooting Conner. Not only is his Daddy leaving but we're leaving behind the house he spent the last year growing in... The house he learned to walk in. The house he learned so much in. All his toys, and his bed will be in storage for 10 months. All HIS things.... All of our things. I'm going to miss this house. It's a beautiful house.

I honestly think if we didn't need to save money that I'd just stay here. It would be hard but I don't want to move. I want to stay in Mississippi and wait for my Husband to get home.

We started packing up things today. I quit because I just don't want to do it. Ugh why does life have to be so complicated?

6 to 10

So they decided to spring on us at the last minute that they will be deploying for 10 months instead of 6. It was to be 6 out and 12 in. Well now they decided (after this one of course) it will be 10 in and 8 out. Like what the heck! I'm not ready to be without my Husband for almost a year. He's going to miss Mother's Day, Father's Day. He'll miss my, Conner and his own Birthday. Our Wedding anniversary and so much more. I just don't get why they want to take him away from us for that long. :( It just isn't fair. We need him!

I'll be going home while he is gone. So that means I will be living at my Parent's for 10 months. I am grateful, and I know I'll need the support and it's going to be great to save that money. But it's also going to be hard living under a roof that's not mine. Away from our things. I hate that I have to take Conner away from his stuff. His whole world is going to change in so many ways.

In a way it would almost be easier to stay down here. We wouldn't have to pack and in a weird way I would feel closer to him. But like I said before we need to save that money and I know I'll need the support since I won't have any down here.

So now I am left to stress about this 10 month deployment... Packing my house and cleaning it. Flying someone down here when I don't even know when they should be here because we have no idea when he is leaving. He told me today that he may leave the 3rd of Feb now. Does he know that's in like a week and a half. No that's not fair. I can't handle anymore changes! I'm not sure how much longer I can handle the Military life.. Not with all these changes they are making. The Seabee's don't care about the Families that go through this with the members. Deployments are the number one cause to Military divorces. I don't want to become a statistic!

People tell me how strong I am.. Really I'm not. I can't do this. I HAVE to be strong for Conner, but I don't know if I can. I'm cracking under stress already and he's still here. Sometimes I just pretend I'm not leaving here. That he isn't leaving either and that we're going to be together everyday for the rest of our lives. Forever. No separations. I know that's not true but maybe in a weird way it comfort's me.

I love him. We will make it but I'm just scared!

Why I started this

I have my Family blog to blog about the happy things in my life. I decided that with the upcoming deployment in a few weeks, that it may be nice to have somewhere to vent to and cry to when everyone is sick of listening.

When I think about this deployment my heart aches. My heart mostly hurts for Conner. Mainly because he loves his Daddy so much. He asks for him in the morning and all throughout the day. And when he gets home he is so excited that he runs up to him and wants to be picked up right away. Knowing that Conner has no idea that his little life is about to be flipped upside down breaks my heart. He has no clue. He has no clue that when we drop Daddy off the day he leaves, that he won't be seeing him for 10 months. He wakes up happy everyday, while everyday that I wake up my heart aches a little more as that days gets closer. He is only happy because he has no clue what's about to happen to him. It makes me sad, angry and hurt.

I love being a Military Wife. I just dread being away from him. He is our rock. We haven't had to do this for almost 5 years and honestly I'm scared. I don't know how I'll handle 10 months. And why did they have to change it to 10 months? 6 wasn't enough?

Anyway.. So this blog is dedicated to the hardships that Military Wives go through.