Friday, February 19, 2010
First phone call
Eric finally called me at 5:30 this morning. It was amazing to hear his voice. Not to mention so good to know he made it there safely. He sounded good. I feel a lot better knowing I can talk to him now. Being a Military Wife you hang on to the sound of their voice because that's all you have. It's amazing. I feel a lot stronger today. I'm feeling a little more like I can do this. 10 months is a long time but it's possible. Other wives have done it, so can I. I'm hoping both Conner and I do better today!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Saying Goodbye
Today marks day 1 of 300..Or Week 1 of 44.
We got up bright and early, at 5 am. Eric showered at 4:45 and woke me up at 5 to get up and hang out. We drank coffee and talked. He finished getting his things ready and we woke Conner up at 6. I had breakfast and milk ready for him and Eric got him a new diaper and clothes. We snapped a few pictures of Eric and Conner. I wish someone were here to take some of me with them. We then loaded into the car and drove off to base. As we neared base we held hands and tears filled my eyes. As we went through the gate my heart sank lower and lower knowing the time was coming to an end and all to fast. We parked and got Conner out of his carseat and sat him up front with us. We smiled and shared feelings, and shared many tears. We told each other we can make it through anything, as we have before. Time had come to say good bye. Watching him hug and kiss Conner and tell him to be good for Mommy and that he would see him very soon was one of the most painful things I've had to experience. He then put Conner into his carseat and gave him one last kiss and gave him his paci, blanket and his cami bear that he made him. We closed the door and just held each other and kissed. We did this a few time because it's hard to accept that it's our last hug and kiss for 10 months. He opened my door and kissed me again. I sat in the car and the tears just started flowing harder and harder. He grabbed his bag and got his coat on. I rolled the window down to steal a few more kisses. As I watched him walk away I felt half of my heart get pulled out of my chest, as it went with him. Knowing I won't be whole again until he returns.
As I drove home so many thoughts were running through my head. You think about the little things that won't happen until they come home. Or just the fact of not seeing their face or feeling their arms around you. I cried harder then I wanted to. I wanted to be strong for Conner but I couldn't hold it in. Luckily he is so young he doesn't fully understand that my tears mean sadness. He has no idea his Daddy isn't coming home tonight, or any night for the next 10 months. We got home and I continued to cry some more. Conner offered me some comfort and let him hug him and cry for a minute. Knowing I have him to hold onto helps a little. He was up for a while after we got home and walked around calling for Eric. Tugging on those heart strings I know he will continue to tug on everytime he looks for him, or calls for him.
I feel a little stronger now after getting through this morning. I think once we get out of this house and get settled in Ohio it will help a ton. I just pray these next 10 months fly by and that before we know it we are driving back down here to welcome home our very own hero.
We got up bright and early, at 5 am. Eric showered at 4:45 and woke me up at 5 to get up and hang out. We drank coffee and talked. He finished getting his things ready and we woke Conner up at 6. I had breakfast and milk ready for him and Eric got him a new diaper and clothes. We snapped a few pictures of Eric and Conner. I wish someone were here to take some of me with them. We then loaded into the car and drove off to base. As we neared base we held hands and tears filled my eyes. As we went through the gate my heart sank lower and lower knowing the time was coming to an end and all to fast. We parked and got Conner out of his carseat and sat him up front with us. We smiled and shared feelings, and shared many tears. We told each other we can make it through anything, as we have before. Time had come to say good bye. Watching him hug and kiss Conner and tell him to be good for Mommy and that he would see him very soon was one of the most painful things I've had to experience. He then put Conner into his carseat and gave him one last kiss and gave him his paci, blanket and his cami bear that he made him. We closed the door and just held each other and kissed. We did this a few time because it's hard to accept that it's our last hug and kiss for 10 months. He opened my door and kissed me again. I sat in the car and the tears just started flowing harder and harder. He grabbed his bag and got his coat on. I rolled the window down to steal a few more kisses. As I watched him walk away I felt half of my heart get pulled out of my chest, as it went with him. Knowing I won't be whole again until he returns.
As I drove home so many thoughts were running through my head. You think about the little things that won't happen until they come home. Or just the fact of not seeing their face or feeling their arms around you. I cried harder then I wanted to. I wanted to be strong for Conner but I couldn't hold it in. Luckily he is so young he doesn't fully understand that my tears mean sadness. He has no idea his Daddy isn't coming home tonight, or any night for the next 10 months. We got home and I continued to cry some more. Conner offered me some comfort and let him hug him and cry for a minute. Knowing I have him to hold onto helps a little. He was up for a while after we got home and walked around calling for Eric. Tugging on those heart strings I know he will continue to tug on everytime he looks for him, or calls for him.
I feel a little stronger now after getting through this morning. I think once we get out of this house and get settled in Ohio it will help a ton. I just pray these next 10 months fly by and that before we know it we are driving back down here to welcome home our very own hero.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
It's sinking in..
Well the day has come.. Eric leaves bright and early tomorrow morning. I did good all day today but I am having trouble holding it in tonight. Everything he does I know I won't see or hear that for 10 months. Just him giving Conner a bath has just broke my heart... Conner loves him so much and I hate that he won't see him for 10 months. My heart just flat out hurts right now. I can't stop thinking which is what I really need to do and just live in this moment with him. These last few hours are all we have for 10 months. Everyone keeps telling me how strong I am.. But I don't really think I can handle this. I need him. I need him here to lift me up when I'm sad and make me laugh when I'm mad. I need him to sit and watch tv and laugh at stupid thing with me. I need him to watch our Son grow and see what an amazing job we've done as parent's. He's what holds me together and I just know I am going to fall apart when we walk away from each other tomorrow. I know I have to be strong for Conner because he has no idea what's going on and I'm going to do my best but I just don't know if it's possible. I'm hoping this crying that I'm getting out now will help me not cry as much tomorrow.
I guess I just needed to write it out because I'm sick of hearing 'you'll be okay' or 'I've been there before' or 'he'll be home before you know it". Sigh.
I guess I just needed to write it out because I'm sick of hearing 'you'll be okay' or 'I've been there before' or 'he'll be home before you know it". Sigh.
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