So I hold a lot of stuff in when Eric is gone. Even stuff that he does that bugs me because I don't want us to fight while we're apart, and I also don't want his mind worrying about me when he has more important things to think about. But finally everything started eating at me and I found that even the little things he did would irritate me. Finally one night he got on chat when he was on watch and we had a heart to heart for a couple of hours. It felt so good to get things off my chest and tell him how I've been feeling. He listened, and reassured me and made me feel so much better. After our chat I feel ready to take on these last few months. I think it's more stressful because a regular deployment would be over right now so we're both just done, heck I've been done since the day before he left.
But all in all we're ready. Ready to get this over with and be a Family. I get really sad thinking about leaving my Parent's. It's so hard to have these mixed emotions. Being with my Parent's, and my friends has been so amazing. Conner loves everyone so much and loves spending time with them. But on the other hand I am totally ready to have my Family together. I dread being back in MS and not having friends again like last year, but after this 10 month deployment I've realized that I don't need anyone down there but my Husband and Son. I'll always have my close friends, and family there for me, even though they're so far away.
I also know I need to step out of my bubble and allow myself to make friends, and stop being so shy. That's half my problem. I just know how fake people are and they are only there when they want to, or need something and I'm sick of being hurt. I throw my heart out on the line and always end up hurt. I just need to be stronger and let go of my fears. As my saying has been lately "I need to man up". Haha.
I am hoping 2011 is the best year yet. 2010 has been a long one. I'm thankful for every experience we've had through this deployment and I'm ready to welcome 2011 with open arms and see what it holds.
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