6 to 10

So they decided to spring on us at the last minute that they will be deploying for 10 months instead of 6. It was to be 6 out and 12 in. Well now they decided (after this one of course) it will be 10 in and 8 out. Like what the heck! I'm not ready to be without my Husband for almost a year. He's going to miss Mother's Day, Father's Day. He'll miss my, Conner and his own Birthday. Our Wedding anniversary and so much more. I just don't get why they want to take him away from us for that long. :( It just isn't fair. We need him!

I'll be going home while he is gone. So that means I will be living at my Parent's for 10 months. I am grateful, and I know I'll need the support and it's going to be great to save that money. But it's also going to be hard living under a roof that's not mine. Away from our things. I hate that I have to take Conner away from his stuff. His whole world is going to change in so many ways.

In a way it would almost be easier to stay down here. We wouldn't have to pack and in a weird way I would feel closer to him. But like I said before we need to save that money and I know I'll need the support since I won't have any down here.

So now I am left to stress about this 10 month deployment... Packing my house and cleaning it. Flying someone down here when I don't even know when they should be here because we have no idea when he is leaving. He told me today that he may leave the 3rd of Feb now. Does he know that's in like a week and a half. No that's not fair. I can't handle anymore changes! I'm not sure how much longer I can handle the Military life.. Not with all these changes they are making. The Seabee's don't care about the Families that go through this with the members. Deployments are the number one cause to Military divorces. I don't want to become a statistic!

People tell me how strong I am.. Really I'm not. I can't do this. I HAVE to be strong for Conner, but I don't know if I can. I'm cracking under stress already and he's still here. Sometimes I just pretend I'm not leaving here. That he isn't leaving either and that we're going to be together everyday for the rest of our lives. Forever. No separations. I know that's not true but maybe in a weird way it comfort's me.

I love him. We will make it but I'm just scared!