Saying Goodbye

Today marks day 1 of 300..Or Week 1 of 44.

We got up bright and early, at 5 am. Eric showered at 4:45 and woke me up at 5 to get up and hang out. We drank coffee and talked. He finished getting his things ready and we woke Conner up at 6. I had breakfast and milk ready for him and Eric got him a new diaper and clothes. We snapped a few pictures of Eric and Conner. I wish someone were here to take some of me with them. We then loaded into the car and drove off to base. As we neared base we held hands and tears filled my eyes. As we went through the gate my heart sank lower and lower knowing the time was coming to an end and all to fast. We parked and got Conner out of his carseat and sat him up front with us. We smiled and shared feelings, and shared many tears. We told each other we can make it through anything, as we have before. Time had come to say good bye. Watching him hug and kiss Conner and tell him to be good for Mommy and that he would see him very soon was one of the most painful things I've had to experience. He then put Conner into his carseat and gave him one last kiss and gave him his paci, blanket and his cami bear that he made him. We closed the door and just held each other and kissed. We did this a few time because it's hard to accept that it's our last hug and kiss for 10 months. He opened my door and kissed me again. I sat in the car and the tears just started flowing harder and harder. He grabbed his bag and got his coat on. I rolled the window down to steal a few more kisses. As I watched him walk away I felt half of my heart get pulled out of my chest, as it went with him. Knowing I won't be whole again until he returns.

As I drove home so many thoughts were running through my head. You think about the little things that won't happen until they come home. Or just the fact of not seeing their face or feeling their arms around you. I cried harder then I wanted to. I wanted to be strong for Conner but I couldn't hold it in. Luckily he is so young he doesn't fully understand that my tears mean sadness. He has no idea his Daddy isn't coming home tonight, or any night for the next 10 months. We got home and I continued to cry some more. Conner offered me some comfort and let him hug him and cry for a minute. Knowing I have him to hold onto helps a little. He was up for a while after we got home and walked around calling for Eric. Tugging on those heart strings I know he will continue to tug on everytime he looks for him, or calls for him.

I feel a little stronger now after getting through this morning. I think once we get out of this house and get settled in Ohio it will help a ton. I just pray these next 10 months fly by and that before we know it we are driving back down here to welcome home our very own hero.