Lately I've been thinking a lot about our days. I just wanted our normal life back. The one that consisted of Eric, Conner and I. Our little Family living everyday together, doing normal Family things. Just waking up together, having help with Conner and eating together as a Family. It seems like these things now, are just chores, and not joys. I hate meal times. Especially since Conner hates to sit and eat. I can't wait to get us back into our normal routine that we all knew 5 months ago.
Don't get me wrong.. I love being with my Parent's and they do help a lot. They love Conner so much, and he loves them just the same. But we need Eric. Our life is incomplete without him here with us. It's going to be hard to leave our life here in Ohio, the one we will have been living for 10 months, but I am ready to be back with my Family of 3. In our own house, and our own things. We'll miss Ohio so much, but we're ready for our life in Mississippi.
As the days go on I feel my patience getting thinner, and thinner. I am starting to get really antsy to have Eric home. Most days I am okay, but some days I just snap and am in this mood. I hate it. I hate getting frustrated with my 2 year old, that's just being a typical 2 year old. I want more for him, a better daily life. I know we can tough it out these last few months, we have for the past 5.
I just want him home.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
We're half way there!
So we are finally half way through deployment. What an amazing feeling. We've got 5 months down, and just under 5 to go. I can't wait for my Husband to be home where he belongs. We miss him so much. Lately I've been getting really anxious for his homecoming. I have my days where it makes me sad to think we'll be leaving here soon. I've loved having this time with my Parent's, and friends. I've learned a lot about myself, and others. Overall this deployment has changed, and helped me a lot. I'm thankful for this time with them, but I am ready for my Husband to be home to be a Family again. I am ready to be back in MS with our things. I do dread being there with the drama of friends we dealt with before, but we don't talk to them anymore so it'll be another fresh start. After all these months I've realized I don't need anyone down there but Eric, and Conner. I wish I could pack my close friends, and Parent's up and take them with us. Mostly my Parent's.
Eric will finally be heading to Africa this week. It's been postponed for a while now. I'm kind of dreading it because we'll talk less, especially with how much I've been missing him lately. I guess we've been lucky to talk everyday for the last 5 months. It'll help the time go by faster, because we'll be counting down the days until we can talk again.
Another battalion just got home this week. They were gone for 4-5 months. I am jealous and got butterflies seeing their homecoming pictures. I can't wait for that to be us. I don't really envy them to much though because they'll only be home for 6 months and then go out for 10. Where we are getting out 10 month one over with and I like that idea better. Especially because Eric will be home for 13 months and then leave for 8.
So that's that. We're half way there! WOO HOO!
Eric will finally be heading to Africa this week. It's been postponed for a while now. I'm kind of dreading it because we'll talk less, especially with how much I've been missing him lately. I guess we've been lucky to talk everyday for the last 5 months. It'll help the time go by faster, because we'll be counting down the days until we can talk again.
Another battalion just got home this week. They were gone for 4-5 months. I am jealous and got butterflies seeing their homecoming pictures. I can't wait for that to be us. I don't really envy them to much though because they'll only be home for 6 months and then go out for 10. Where we are getting out 10 month one over with and I like that idea better. Especially because Eric will be home for 13 months and then leave for 8.
So that's that. We're half way there! WOO HOO!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
3 down, 7 to go
This Thursday we'll be 12 weeks into this deployment. Meaning we are down 3 months! That's a pretty exciting milestone! That means in 2 more months we'll be over the hump and half way through deployment.
Eric will be moving to Africa to finish his deployment this Summer. Once he gets there we'll talk less. I'm sure that will be hard at first but I know having to count down days until I talk to him will help time to go by faster because I'll be looking forward to something.
It's funny how little milestones really help. Like counting down until Conner's Birthday, then mine, and then Eric's. Then we'll have our Anniversary in September and then we'll count down to Halloween. Then Thanksgiving and finally December will be homecoming month! I can't wait to be standing there with Conner and our 'Welcome home' sign in hand. We'll be making ours special for Eric. I plan on putting a picture or two on there from when he was home. I can't wait to make it! The last one I made was so awesome and fun to make. I'll have to dig up a picture one day and post it because it was awesome!
Conner and I are hanging in there. Conner woke up this morning missing Daddy a lot. He wanted to take his "Daddy Bear" with him. He calls it Dada because it's cami and has a message in his arm from Daddy. We love and miss him so much.
A lot of people can't deal with separation and often it pulls people apart. Amazingly this deployment has shown me how much I love him, and need him forever. No deployment will ever break us, it just brings us closer together. I love him more now, then I ever thought possible and that love just continues to grow with each passing day. They always say 'Distance make the heart grow fonder'. I believe that saying more now then ever. It's completely true for us. This kind of thing isn't for everyone, and not every couple makes it out of deployment together. But when I said 'I do' that meant that I do stand by you forever. Through the hard times and bad. Through deployments and homeports. We'll make it through anything, because we'll be doing it together. We love and miss you Eric!
Eric will be moving to Africa to finish his deployment this Summer. Once he gets there we'll talk less. I'm sure that will be hard at first but I know having to count down days until I talk to him will help time to go by faster because I'll be looking forward to something.
It's funny how little milestones really help. Like counting down until Conner's Birthday, then mine, and then Eric's. Then we'll have our Anniversary in September and then we'll count down to Halloween. Then Thanksgiving and finally December will be homecoming month! I can't wait to be standing there with Conner and our 'Welcome home' sign in hand. We'll be making ours special for Eric. I plan on putting a picture or two on there from when he was home. I can't wait to make it! The last one I made was so awesome and fun to make. I'll have to dig up a picture one day and post it because it was awesome!
Conner and I are hanging in there. Conner woke up this morning missing Daddy a lot. He wanted to take his "Daddy Bear" with him. He calls it Dada because it's cami and has a message in his arm from Daddy. We love and miss him so much.
A lot of people can't deal with separation and often it pulls people apart. Amazingly this deployment has shown me how much I love him, and need him forever. No deployment will ever break us, it just brings us closer together. I love him more now, then I ever thought possible and that love just continues to grow with each passing day. They always say 'Distance make the heart grow fonder'. I believe that saying more now then ever. It's completely true for us. This kind of thing isn't for everyone, and not every couple makes it out of deployment together. But when I said 'I do' that meant that I do stand by you forever. Through the hard times and bad. Through deployments and homeports. We'll make it through anything, because we'll be doing it together. We love and miss you Eric!
A poem
Military Wives Prayer
At night when I crawl into bed,
My lonely pillow 'neath my head,
I close my eyes and say a prayer.
"God keep him safe way over there,
And make me strong so I won't cry.
It's kinda hard to be alone and
teach the kids when they're half grown,
without the strength of a father's hand
to guide them in this troubled land.
So I'll need a little help from you,
to let me know what I should do.
And God please will you let him know,
How much we love and miss him so.
And then I feel across the bed,
To where he used to lay his head,
and I close my eyes so very tight,
so I won't cry again tonight,
and whisper to the evening air,
"Good night my darling way over there."
My lonely pillow 'neath my head,
I close my eyes and say a prayer.
"God keep him safe way over there,
And make me strong so I won't cry.
It's kinda hard to be alone and
teach the kids when they're half grown,
without the strength of a father's hand
to guide them in this troubled land.
So I'll need a little help from you,
to let me know what I should do.
And God please will you let him know,
How much we love and miss him so.
And then I feel across the bed,
To where he used to lay his head,
and I close my eyes so very tight,
so I won't cry again tonight,
and whisper to the evening air,
"Good night my darling way over there."
Thursday, April 1, 2010
6 weeks down
Well we've made is 6 weeks today! Sometimes it feels like it's been so much longer, but on the other hand it's like wow it's been 6 weeks! I have been hanging in there. I still have my bad days, always will. I'm so ready for him to be home already. I want our regular life back, to be back into our routine. I want to spend my evenings with him and go to sleep next to him. I want Conner to have his Daddy here to play with and love on. I miss those things.
Eric is doing well. He also has good days and bad. During the week he stays pretty busy so I don't think he has much time to think about it, but on the weekends it's harder for him. But he's been working hard. He's been working out and losing weight. He is doing so much better on his run. I am so proud of him.
Conner is doing good also. Still talks about Daddy and likes to look at his picture on my phone. He's getting so big. I can't believe that next month our baby will be 2! It's amazing how much they change and grow. Couldn't be more thankful for our baby boy!
So we're all doing as well as we can. Hanging in there and helping each other through everyday. I've found out who my true friends are through this deployment. I don't have many but the ones I do have I am so thankful for. I'm thankful for everything my parent's do to help me out. I know coming home was a tough decision, and in some cases it's hard, but I don't think I could do this without their support, and my friends' support. I'm a lucky girl. I dwell to much on friends that don't dwell on me so I am learning to let go of them. Just be thankful for what I have.
Well 6 down.. Many more to go. I hope the next months ahead fly by as fast as March did! Love and miss you baby!
Eric is doing well. He also has good days and bad. During the week he stays pretty busy so I don't think he has much time to think about it, but on the weekends it's harder for him. But he's been working hard. He's been working out and losing weight. He is doing so much better on his run. I am so proud of him.
Conner is doing good also. Still talks about Daddy and likes to look at his picture on my phone. He's getting so big. I can't believe that next month our baby will be 2! It's amazing how much they change and grow. Couldn't be more thankful for our baby boy!
So we're all doing as well as we can. Hanging in there and helping each other through everyday. I've found out who my true friends are through this deployment. I don't have many but the ones I do have I am so thankful for. I'm thankful for everything my parent's do to help me out. I know coming home was a tough decision, and in some cases it's hard, but I don't think I could do this without their support, and my friends' support. I'm a lucky girl. I dwell to much on friends that don't dwell on me so I am learning to let go of them. Just be thankful for what I have.
Well 6 down.. Many more to go. I hope the next months ahead fly by as fast as March did! Love and miss you baby!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Toddler Woes
I think Conner is taking all of this then I thought he was. I am sure most of his behavior is normal toddler behavior, but sometimes I wonder if some of it is just underlying sadness that he doesn't know how to express.
He's mean. I know that sounds weird to put it that way but he is so hateful. He gets so upset with you over everything. He loses his cool over everything. He has started hitting and pinching me when he is angry over something or just for no reason. I really want to nip this in the butt before it gets worse. I don't want to get frustrated with him (although I do many times because I am just as sad and upset as he is) because I believe a lot of it is just because he misses his Daddy. Where I miss him, but can express that I do, and Conner doesn't understand his emotions or where Daddy is and why he can only hear him on the phone.
It truly breaks my heart and I just don't know how to address it, or make it better. I am sure over time his pain will ease a little but I guess until then I just have to try not to lose my cool and patience with him, and support him when he is upset. I just hate seeing my little boy feel the way I do. We miss Eric so much and we still have so much more time ahead of us before we see him again.
I'm not sure if we'll be visiting him. He is suppose to go to Africa now so he will be gone from Spain. I'd LOVE to go visit him. The travel would be a pain, and I know all that good bye heart ache will come back as he puts us on the plane but I think it would just help break up deployment a little. I just don't know if it will happen right now.
He's mean. I know that sounds weird to put it that way but he is so hateful. He gets so upset with you over everything. He loses his cool over everything. He has started hitting and pinching me when he is angry over something or just for no reason. I really want to nip this in the butt before it gets worse. I don't want to get frustrated with him (although I do many times because I am just as sad and upset as he is) because I believe a lot of it is just because he misses his Daddy. Where I miss him, but can express that I do, and Conner doesn't understand his emotions or where Daddy is and why he can only hear him on the phone.
It truly breaks my heart and I just don't know how to address it, or make it better. I am sure over time his pain will ease a little but I guess until then I just have to try not to lose my cool and patience with him, and support him when he is upset. I just hate seeing my little boy feel the way I do. We miss Eric so much and we still have so much more time ahead of us before we see him again.
I'm not sure if we'll be visiting him. He is suppose to go to Africa now so he will be gone from Spain. I'd LOVE to go visit him. The travel would be a pain, and I know all that good bye heart ache will come back as he puts us on the plane but I think it would just help break up deployment a little. I just don't know if it will happen right now.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Forever.
Deployment feels like forever. 10 months...is forever.
Well we've been hanging in there. Eric is doing well in Spain. Says it's a bit weird being there without us since we were all just there together for 3 years (well only with Conner for 6 months lol). He went and got a cell phone so I can text him and he can call me when he can't get to the other phone. Knowing he has it and if I REALLY need him I can call him. Probably cost me an arm and a leg but it's always there.
Conner misses him. He gets excited to talk to him on the phone... He tells him hi. Then I have him say 'love you' and 'miss you' and he kisses him and says bye bye to him. I bet it makes Eric feel awesome just to hear him, especially to say those things. We watch his videos and he sleeps with his bear every night. He doesn't call out for him as much, which makes me feel better because when he did it tore me up. He will once in a while but not as often. He also grabs my phone and kisses his picture. He seems to be handling everything fairly well. He is a bit more angry and throwing a lot more tantrums. I'm not sure if it's the toddler stage or him expressing his anger and sadness of missing Daddy.
Me.. Well I am hanging in there. Things seem a bit more easy now that we are here and I'm not alone. I still do everything for Conner but if I need a few seconds to myself I can usually grab a minute or two. I miss Eric like crazy. I've really realized how much he does for us and how amazing he truly is. Works all day and then comes home and takes care of us. Hearing his voice helps so much though. He comforts me and lets me know things are going to be okay. I have my moments that I just want to break down, and it's hard to go to sleep alone at night but I am holding up a lot better then I was a week ago.
On a brighter note. Conner and I may be flying out to Spain after this summer to visit Eric! We can fly Space A (which is free) and Eric can take a week of leave or whatever and we can stay with him in the Navy Lodge over there. It'll be nice to see him and break up some time. But I am sure it'll be hard to fly out of there. Not to mention an 8 hour flight with a busy 2 year old. But Eric is worth that, and so much more!
Well we've been hanging in there. Eric is doing well in Spain. Says it's a bit weird being there without us since we were all just there together for 3 years (well only with Conner for 6 months lol). He went and got a cell phone so I can text him and he can call me when he can't get to the other phone. Knowing he has it and if I REALLY need him I can call him. Probably cost me an arm and a leg but it's always there.
Conner misses him. He gets excited to talk to him on the phone... He tells him hi. Then I have him say 'love you' and 'miss you' and he kisses him and says bye bye to him. I bet it makes Eric feel awesome just to hear him, especially to say those things. We watch his videos and he sleeps with his bear every night. He doesn't call out for him as much, which makes me feel better because when he did it tore me up. He will once in a while but not as often. He also grabs my phone and kisses his picture. He seems to be handling everything fairly well. He is a bit more angry and throwing a lot more tantrums. I'm not sure if it's the toddler stage or him expressing his anger and sadness of missing Daddy.
Me.. Well I am hanging in there. Things seem a bit more easy now that we are here and I'm not alone. I still do everything for Conner but if I need a few seconds to myself I can usually grab a minute or two. I miss Eric like crazy. I've really realized how much he does for us and how amazing he truly is. Works all day and then comes home and takes care of us. Hearing his voice helps so much though. He comforts me and lets me know things are going to be okay. I have my moments that I just want to break down, and it's hard to go to sleep alone at night but I am holding up a lot better then I was a week ago.
On a brighter note. Conner and I may be flying out to Spain after this summer to visit Eric! We can fly Space A (which is free) and Eric can take a week of leave or whatever and we can stay with him in the Navy Lodge over there. It'll be nice to see him and break up some time. But I am sure it'll be hard to fly out of there. Not to mention an 8 hour flight with a busy 2 year old. But Eric is worth that, and so much more!
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